#52: Divine Feminine Pleasure
And how to claim it
I recently read an autobiography called “I’m Mostly Here To Enjoy Myself” written by a 40-something year old woman adventuring around Paris. She was single, without children, and in unapologetic pursuit of pleasure the entirety of her trip.
I take most everything as *a sign* and while I was aware of the book coming out last year, I only finally got my hands on it this year. Right on time.
I think, at least subconsciously, I knew I had been personally lacking in the pleasure department. The image on the front cover alone, a painting of a reclined nude woman, ass up with a slight smirk, looked like something I could definitely use more of in my life. And frankly? I think most women could.
Women, connected with the Moon, often pursue pleasure, if ever, after they've tended to everyone else. We’re receptive. We yield. We wait.
Men, connected with the Sun, tend to lean into their pleasure head first (pun definitely intended). They often meet the world with a “me first” attitude, serving themselves before worrying about others. They conquer. They master. They drive.
This discrepancy has often been most clear to me through observing family dynamics. The trope of the man “working late at the office” while actually cheating on his wife while she’s at home tending to their children is as American a story as any.
But as quickly as I register that, I blessedly know that not all men are cheaters, nor are all men absent fathers. But then why does it still feel like most women aren’t getting as much pleasure as most men?
To put it into statistical data, men become parents later in life than women— seven years later on average. That could look like seven more years of partying, seven more years of travel, or seven more years of climbing the corporate ladder before they decide to settle in and become the shining “family man.” But however that time is spent, it’s most often on their own watch.
And while 60% of men eventually end up becoming fathers, inevitably arriving in the same spaces as 86% of women by the time they’re 44, they enjoyed life unencumbered awhile longer first. They made pleasure their pursuit for awhile longer first.
With all of that knowledge in our pockets, it seems obvious why women seem to bloom into themselves much later in life— it’s not because they’re late bloomers. It’s because everyone else around them got to bloom first, while they provided the fertilizer.
This is both impossibly frustrating to me, and with the enlightening perspective of my 7.5 months pregnant bestie (her third child)— understandably biological. Are we to resent men for having independent fun when most are able to become fathers pretty much until they die? Can we blame them?
I guess we can’t, or shouldn’t. But resentment can easily build and especially so in a culture where women are told that they too can have it all and sacrifice nothing (ahem, capitalist propaganda unfortunately perpetrated by both sexes).
Even if a woman does actively want to pursue her pleasure, if she chooses to have a family, prioritizing her desires can quickly create a draining juggling act (not to mention harsh unsolicited judgement— so selfish!). How can she luxuriate in herself, and herself alone, when there are so many others that require her care? She seemingly can not, in fact, have it all. At least not all at once.
Jupiter is now in Cancer, exalted, and ruled by the Moon. Women, THIS ONE IS FOR US— but (sadly) it’s unlikely to be dished up to us on a silver platter. We have to make room for it and then dish it up to ourselves.
Venus is also now in Taurus, and Taurus wants us to delight in the deliciousness of life, specifically our five sense reality. This isn’t so much spirituality as it is the physical touch, taste, smell, sights and sounds that bring us enjoyment. The more sensual, the better.
So, this summer, I dare ask you to add one more thing to your to-do list: your pleasure. And not the “but I really LOVE making snacks for my kids!” kind.
That can still be true while you decidedly lean into something, anything, that has absolutely nothing to do with nurturing anyone but yourself. I promise there is time if you choose it.
Take a bath (lock the door, no interruptions allowed)
Get your favorite meal or treat without inviting anyone else to share and consume it shamelessly
MASTURBATE. Alone, sans any performance or insecurity
Read your favorite book with your phone on airplane mode
These are but a few examples that sound pleasurable to me, for me exclusively, so I invite you to make your own list. It might be as simple as “five minutes of silence” and to that I say, sister, you deserve it. And, most importantly, MAKE IT HAPPEN.
We often (read: women) expect pleasure to arrive to us externally. When we get married, we’ll be happy. When we have kids, we’ll be happy. When we buy the perfect home, we’ll be happy. And on and on and on. Men are better about deciding on what makes them happy, in lieu of anyone else, and focusing solely on getting it.
Jupiter in Cancer says it’s our turn. So let’s go girls. Let me know how you’re taking care of yourself, for yourself, in the comments.
Through time and space,
Erin River Sunday
Yas queen. I needed this.