#28: Lonely Girl Summer?

How astrologers are getting it wrong

Is it just me, or is “lonely” the media’s new favorite buzzword?

I’ve seen it in more headlines than I can remember over the past few weeks and at first I shrugged it off as a likely byproduct of Saturn in Pisces. Pisceans practically invented the sad girl aesthetic and feel all too comfortable floating around the astral away from 3D crowds.

It makes sense, then, that our present culture could be feeling removed from reality in a similar way, not quite here, but not quite there, either. It seemed to me like the incessant articles were the Saturnian energy of wanting to address this “lonely” feeling practically, in black and white.

We’re still on the heels of a global health crisis after all, and isolation caused by a pandemic is a valid reason for feeling lonely. However, we know that loneliness was an epidemic long before COVID-19.

I myself had one of my loneliest years in recent memory in 2019, all while surrounded by many more people on a day to day basis than I am currently, yet now I don’t feel lonely at all.

So, what’s actually going on? As ever, I contemplated through a magical lens. And late one night last week, deep in the comments section (iykyk) of an article by Leah Whitehorse, it was like a lightbulb went off above my head.

I sat in my dark room, stunned. It was all suddenly so simple and obvious. Though it was written almost two years ago, Whitehorse’s response to a worrisome commenter succinctly answered the mystery that I couldn’t quite name. “Chronic loneliness can stem from self-abandonment.”

I knew what she meant viscerally. That lonely year in 2019? I was in intimate relationships, amongst friends and family, and generally navigating a sea of people…and felt more alone than ever. In hindsight, though, I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was an addict who didn’t quite realize it yet; I sought a gamut of external dopamine hits in continually desperate attempts to save me from myself. Spoiler: it never worked.

Feeling lonely when you’re surrounded by people, places, and things seemingly designed to make you feel less so is not a new phenomenon. New York City is one of the most densely populated areas in the world, and more than half of its residents report feelings of loneliness. 

Knowing all of these facts, I started to wonder…why aren’t astrologers talking more about loneliness?

I became frustrated realizing that it’s likely because most of us are too busy touting the miracles of the spiritual buzzword that seems, consciously or otherwise, to try and match its lonely counterpart: the effervescent collective.

It’s all too clear why astrologers (myself included) have highlighted the all mighty power of community recently. Pluto has entered Aquarius! Pluto = Power, Aquarius = Society. It’s a logical delineation of the current astro weather and as I’m learning, it’s also quite lazy and potentially problematic.

Extreme focus on the power of the group inherently diminishes the responsibility (and plights) of its individuals. This is a fast track to nowhere. Simply: inviting people to be part of your exciting “soul tribe” (don’t get me started) without also addressing the critical importance of their independent self-development is a glaring error.

I learned this lesson firsthand while navigating my Saturn Return in Aquarius.

I imagined that I would meet unique people and have serious, karmic relationships with them. That proved to be true. And while it might seem obvious that your behavior directly influences the relationships you’re part of….it feels less so when everything you read highlights the starring role of the other. The evasion of personal accountability seems to be both everywhere and nowhere at the same time. What’s that saying, “there’s no I in team?”

The best astrologers understand that our work runs parallel to the culture, and if we’re doing it well, we can counteract the trends that aren’t worth following. And yet, if you’re connected to any astrology people online, I would all but guarantee they have invited you to be part of their *community.*

These astrologers have apps, Patreon pages, podcasts, and the like where “their people” can gather and discuss upcoming lunations, planetary transits, and any other manner of occult practices. I love to see it! 

And also.

Astrologers have a powerful responsibility that we shouldn’t take lightly. Focusing on the profits (monetarily and otherwise) of group membership without fully witnessing its participants is negligent.

Just as robots allowing humans to cut corners will inevitably have long term ramifications…obsessively growing communities will undoubtedly impact the individuals both within and without them (just look at what social media has done to us).

The fact remains: being part of a group, however loving and inclusive it may be, will not save you from yourself. 

As I prepare for some upcoming travel, I’m remembering that wherever you go, there you are. I implore you to do the same, especially if you’re feeling lonely. Try sitting with yourself before joining yet another community. Are the elusive “they” promising to deliver something that you might be able to provide for yourself (even if it seems like less fun/more work)?

You might be surprised to discover the free membership inward that’s always been available.

Through time and space,

Erin River Sunday