#13: The Cost of Attention
Weaponizing Human Nature
Energy of the Moment:
It comes as no surprise to me that the only card with a child on it in this 49 card deck is the one I pulled for today’s reading. It’s almost enough to bring me to tears, but I feel like I’m fresh out of them at the moment. We’re all wishing for things to get better. For things to be different.
While today’s Gemini New Moon isn’t ideally situated because of its retrograde Mercury, take a moment to close your eyes and listen to the desires of your heart. We’ll be circling back to this time on December 7th. The wishes you make now will be the corresponding actions you’re confronting then, so know that if you can dream it, you can do it.
I grew up with my Mom saying “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” and, in a word, I was perturbed.
Of course I didn’t know what she was talking about, so it was annoying. She paid for my food all the time! I was but a tween! I didn’t have money!
But as an adult, I’ve finally come to understand the meaning fully.
I was writing this very newsletter almost two weeks ago and spilled tea all over my laptop.
It was what I would call an act of Goddess in that I was drinking the tea and it somehow FLEW OUT OF MY HANDS and onto my keyboard. My mouth fell open at the sheer surprise followed by lots of expletives and sprinting to the kitchen to get cleaning supplies.
Now. Spilling something on tech isn’t a new or sensational thing on its own. And especially not during a Mercury Retrograde period (that has been, in one more word, horrid). However! This particular spillage is noteworthy for a few reasons:
I was riffing on the “free lunch” thing above and had already titled the piece The Cost of Attention.
AHEM, LEST YOU FORGET, MY LAST NEWSLETTER WAS LITERALLY CALLED “SPILLING THE TEA.”
My computer blessedly survived after a 24-hour upside down dry out sesh, but there’s now a small discolored spot in the right corner of my screen. It actually makes me smile, because it’s a constant reminder of the whole point.
It’s hard to get back to my exact train of thought pre TEAGATE 2022. So much has changed. And yet, so much has stayed the same.
I’m horrified and disgusted that the United States can’t seem to be bothered with gun control.
Everyone knows that gun related tragedies in this country are not new. They have held our attention, (albeit far too briefly) for decades now, and yet multiple mass shootings still happen every single year.
I’m really furious and I’m really tired and I imagine you are too. I’ve spent countless hours emailing senators (most recently about canceling the NRA convention being held days after the Uvalde massacre, which unsurprisingly still happened), signing petitions, and marching.
With all of this work, I’ve come to realize that the most precious, valuable, highly sought after resource that we all possess is our attention.
Beautiful and dangerous, it’s not a finite resource.
Our energy, and therefore our attention where it’s directed, renews each night like we do. While the world and its vicious news cycles can be endlessly discouraging…our attention is renewable.
In case you didn’t know, lol, social media was created to make money off of your attention. Its purpose is touted as “community building” but the communities supposedly being built are to support rich (white, male) capitalists that are buying and selling you.
YOU are the product, and your attention is what keeps the machines running. The Social Dilemma describes it as a “dangerous human impact of social networking” which is alarming and true.
We’re inherently community driven animals, but our own need for connection has become weaponized in the name of capitalism.
The first time I was off social media in 2018-2019, it surprised me how many people seemed impressed. I was in my twenties and working at a juice bar, so if anything I thought the young, attractive people surrounding me on a daily basis would just think I was some freak (I am).
But that’s never how people reacted. It was always like “oh my god, that’s so cool, how do you feel?” or “wow, yeah, I need to do that too but I have to use it to insert any number of excuses.”
It felt like, to me, that no one really, genuinely, enjoyed the numerous platforms they were spending hours on each day. They weren’t benefiting from it in any coherent way and actually made excuses for why they were still there. Still paying attention.
Now a few years later, once again free of social media, I’ve had the same interactions. People are inspired and seemingly envious of the way I’m directing my attention, rather than having it directed for me.
It’s disheartening, and honestly scary, that people treat me owning my attention like an achievement.
As frustrating as these conversations are, they continually help me remember that my attention is likely the most powerful thing I have to offer. While it can wax and wane throughout the day, it’s something I always have the power to give, or to withhold, and so do you.
Here are a few things I came across recently that I thought were worthy of more attention:
I somehow just saw Michaela Coel’s 2021 Emmy speech last week. I LOVED what she said about visibility. Everyone’s egos are so tied up to being seen that “visibility these days seems to somehow equate to success.” Do not confuse the two.
The Meteor Newsletter. I’ve been subscribed to The Meteor for more than a year now and I can’t remember how I originally signed up- but it stops me in my tracks pretty much every week. It’s so well written and brings up important conversations. I specifically forwarded this one to several people last week.
Why Elizabeth Gilbert Disappeared. I got my Mom obsessed with Glennon Doyle after she borrowed my copy of Untamed in 2020 and I listened to this podcast with her on a special road trip last weekend. I loved Eat, Pray, Love and Big Magic so it was uplifting and relatable, once again, to hear the unfiltered humanity in Elizabeth Gilbert.
One of the most beautiful things I’m learning going through my life less distracted than ever is that the things that do NOT call for your attention are some of the most amazing to witness.
Nature is the most beautiful example. Birds sing, rivers run, the sun shines. They just do their thing- they don’t ask you to watch. It all happens with purpose, not for profit.
When was the last time you truly stopped and listened to the birds? Put your feet in a stream and watched the water running over your toes? Laid on your back and felt the warmth of the sun?
It’s Memorial Day. It’s a Gemini New Moon. You’re likely getting a shit ton of emails about a shit ton of stuff you don’t need. Maybe today could, instead, be an opportunity to tap into your attention and decide on a new, intentional way of directing it.
Rather than pretending it’s a free lunch, it’s time to know the cost— because my Mom was right. There’s really no such thing.
Through time and space,
Erin River Sunday
Yes yes yes to all of this! I love your perspective on profiting off of our attention. So powerful. Thank you, as always, for your wisdom!